Behind the Music
Perhaps you have had this experience: Your most desperate and genuine prayers go without an answer, causing you to feel disappointed with the Lord. You start to think that He isn’t true anymore, or that He doesn’t care about your prayers; or you even feel abandoned and betrayed.
Sixteen years ago, I was on the most frustrating and disappointing part of my journey, yet it was also the most amazing.
At the time, I read the Bible daily and served diligently in the church. However, there was still one thing that I had put before the Lord which was very important to me, and for which I prayed day and night. In the end, for all of my praying, God did not fulfill what I had asked for.
With a decline of my health during that time, coupled with the disappointment and confusion I felt with the Lord whom I used to trust, I rapidly sunk into a dreadful depression.
Overnight, the world, once full of color and energy, became gray and gloomy. I wandered through each day dumbfounded by sadness. One by one, every painful memory I had returned to me. Flooded by inexplicable tears day and night, I felt as if death was my only escape from such sadness.
Every 24 hours began to weigh on me like a burden. I was no longer sure whether I was courageous enough to live through each day. To take away trust in God - just like taking away a child's belief in the love of his/her parents - is indeed the cruelest thing in the universe!
I opened my weary eyes in the dark of night and slowly walked to the window without any expectations. I had nothing else to say to my Lord. Although it also seemed that He was aware of my sadness, I had no more strength to rejoice or even run. I knelt at the window and looked into the dark, night sky. Barely audible, I whispered, “Lord, Jesus…”, which seems almost intuitive to all God’s children, regardless of their circumstances. Thinking back on it now, however, I see that God was indeed with me in a profoundly personal and intimate way! As I waited with Him, alone and silent, watching the dark night slowly come to an end, I suddenly heard a beautiful orchestra piece that I had never heard before. . Although I had studied music composition since I was six years old and had spent years in orchestras and bands, I had never attempted to write music or compose any hymns. To my great amazement, I quickly found a pen and paper and copied down the melody of this music before the dark blue sky and rising sun. This song, entitled “You Shine On Me”, was later arranged and added to these CDs.
Many of the other songs in these CDs, and many of those yet to be published, were given and copied down at the end of many nights. The gracious Lord used beautiful music and His sweet presence to bring me into the sunrise of the next day at the time when I had no strength to even live. As a result, many of these songs are about sunrise.
And indeed, in the dark age we live in today, His personal presence and comfort are the only strength for all those who love Him as they wait for the dawn.
Although my prayer did not get answered sixteen years ago, which I did not understand at the time, it ended up being a tremendous blessing that I have continued to treasure dearly until this day. The Lord showed me that He was faithful, and He continued to bless me in a way far exceeding what I had originally requested and expected.
Over the past 16 years, I have kept these music pieces, assuming that someday, after I pass to be with the Lord, someone might get the opportunity to reorganize these old, yellowish music scores that the Lord had so graciously bestowed upon me. I was unaware that the Lord had timed it so that a dear couple in Paris, William and Jennifer, would establish WJ Musique out of their love for the Lord, which would then enable the publication of these songs. Praise Him for His ordained plan! Throughout this highly challenging and difficult production process, the Lord has faithfully provided exceptional musicians and sound engineers, including conductor and arranger Mr. Kim Richmond, who provided tremendous help and advice even during his busy tour schedule. In all this we glorify the Lord, the hidden treasure, whose love will be revealed in the time of His will and shine forth in the brightness of His own glory.
I pray that all weak and disheartened children of our loving Father will be able to feel the warmth of His comfort while listening to these songs, and that together we will pass through this dark age and finish each one’s course before Him. Very quickly, He will return to reward all those who love Him, and become the greatest happiness that we share.
Your sister in Christ,
Samantha J. C.